The Snookerbacker Blog

Name: Mark Allen

Nickname: The Firecracker

Walk on Music: What’s New Pussycat? – Tom Jones 

Likes: Home Sweet Home, Girls, Tomato Ketchup, Front row seats for kids at the snooker, Cats. 

Dislikes: China, Barry Hearn, Stuart Bingham, Snooker.

In the words of another miserable so and so Morrissey ‘He used to be a sweet boy’, but not anymore, for our Mark has grown up into a right old whinger. There is nothing he likes more than having a moan about the sport he has grown up playing and you wonder sometimes why he even bothers. If he’s not calling poor old Stuart Bingham ‘ugly mug’ (I’m paraphrasing) he’s having a go at poor old defenceless Bazza, who we all know is a sensitive retiring chap who wouldn’t harm a little mouse. Now Mark, I’m saying this for your own good, you just start acting like a grown up, your silly outbursts are losing you a lot of fans, we know that the smiling cheeky Belfast boy that we all know and love is in there somewhere, but where has he gone? Why not put some of that tomato ketchup back in your hair? Anyway, on the table Marky is a formidable opponent, but every now and again, usually around semi-final time he inexplicably starts to carry a monkey around with him, even when he is playing in the latter stages of tournaments he brings it with him, placing it carefully on his back as he attempts to make the final. The monkey just sits there, growing ever heavier and I’m sure it must put him off going ‘ooo, ooo, ooo’ in Mark’s ear when he’s down on a match winning shot. My advice would be to leave the monkey in the dressing room, don’t get me wrong, I love animals, monkeys in particular, but there is a time and a place for them. So come on Mark, ditch the monkey and let’s have that cheeky smile back.

Please? 

UPDATE: Mark has now said goodbye to the monkey, the rumours are that he left it in China to feed off a load of dead cats. He’s also got his cheeky grin back, but he’s still a bit of a troublemaker – but we love him all the more for it.