Ding Junhui

September 2, 2011

Filed under: — snookerbacker @ 1:03 pm

Name: Ding Junhui

Nickname: Dozy

Walk on Music: My Ding-A-Ling – Chuck Berry

Likes: Winning the first frame, 40 winks.

Dislikes: Being woken up to play a shot.

Ahh, poor Ding. All alone in a strange country full of people with weird accents and odd shaped heads and bodies, but since he left China behind he’s flourished over here from his base camp in the more normal surroundings of sunny old Sheffield. His mum cooks for him and he’s even got himself a girlfriend, allegedly, but that probably isn’t true, in fact it definitely isn’t true, ok? Anyway, Ding is so famous in China that even the insects between the cracks in the pavements over there recognise him. Ducks queue up outside his parental house quacking loudly ‘Pick Me’ in duckspeak when he goes back in the hope of being crispied up and eaten by him, such is their level of adoration. But for all the fame and glory Ding is really a quiet unassuming type of chap who just wants to get on with his potting in between little naps. As we all know, Ding was actually originally a 9 year old cartoon character called Xiao Hui, but the Chinese are a clever lot and managed to bring him to life thanks to a series of ingenius inventions, which eventually made him into the human being he is today (there are a few earlier prototypes that were unsuccessful who usually turn up in wildcard rounds). This means that Ding will actually live forever and always look the same. They think of everything first over there. But even though we can’t understand a word he says sometimes and he talks so quietly that he makes a dormouse sound like Brian Blessed we love him all the same. Ding is living proof that a smile can speak a thousand words and Mrs SB just loves his little cheeks.

Comments (5)

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5 Comments »

Now now Bolls, this isn’t the kind of place for that kind of sexy talk.

Comment by snookerbacker — September 9, 2011 @ 11:11 am Reply
I want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair and take him home with me.

Comment by Bolly — September 9, 2011 @ 11:10 am Reply
@Claus: I can’t deny being a fan of Gervais and Stephen Merchant. The first series of podcasts with Karl are genius. But I wrote this without any references other than those in my own head, influenced or not

Comment by snookerbacker — September 2, 2011 @ 9:39 pm Reply
So many parts of that text reminded me of Karl Pilkington.

Comment by Claus — September 2, 2011 @ 6:16 pm Reply
Ding is really a cartoon character lol

Comment by Tanya Lee — September 2, 2011 @ 2:54 pm Reply