In honour of this excellent piece by Dave Hendon the other day relating to the once a year snooker journalist brigade that descend like a huge turd from the sky on our sport at this time every year having spent the rest of the year watching football, I thought as a blogger, tweeter, gambler and first and foremost fan I should also give some pointers for those in society who only share my passion for 17 days a year.
Please share these tips with anyone you know that fits this description.
The Once a Year Snooker Gambler
The golden rule that should be remembered here is that if a bet that you place loses it is NEVER YOUR OWN FAULT. Here is why:
There are a number of factors at work here, firstly, if you have simply decided to place the same bet as a blogger or someone that you have been told knows what they are on about, blame them, after all they TOLD you to bet and took the money out of your pocket to give to the bookies and line their pockets.
It is THEM, NOT YOU, who is responsible.
If your bet loses, there is a huge probability that the match was bent, why else would everyone on the Betfair forum be saying so? The player you bet simply missed too many balls on purpose, balls that you yourself can proudly tell everyone that you would have potted (add a ‘blindfold’ reference for added comedic effect). The bookies had got word to the player that they stood to lose a fortune on him and offered to give him a decent bung to lose. This is often the ONLY RATIONAL EXPLANATION for your bet losing, particularly if it wasn’t a bet that someone else told you to do.
The good thing about this is that as well as ‘seething’ to yourself you can take to social media websites like forums or Twitter to tell everyone, even sometimes the people who are to blame themselves, what you think of them. So here are some top tips on using social media at this time of year.
The Once a Year Snooker Tweeter
Always go for the right target and if you don’t get a response from them, go for the next one in line and so on and so on. Get gradually ruder, angrier and more personal with every message building to a crescendo which will see you ‘blocked’ by the guilty party. Remember, they are only blocking you because deep down they KNOW you are right and they cannot cope with the guilt.
Twitter is a good way to express yourself.
Here are some handy hints:
Always use the hashtag #clueless when directing your views at the person at fault, this is particularly effective when directing it at someone who made you have the bet, for example:
‘@snookerbacker1 call yourself a tipster LOL LMFAO. Fucking guesswork pal go and get a proper job you are a fucking muppet #clueless’
This should upset the tipster enough for them to block you and it will also make you feel a lot better, knowing that you have got ‘under their skin’.
You could also contact the player if you aren’t getting anywhere with this so-called ‘tipster’, this handy template should help:
‘@playerwholost WTF was that? You are a fucking disgrace to your sport, how much did you fucking spoon from that? Fucking BENT #FACT’*
*Use #FACT as many times as you can, as facts cannot be disputed.
Hopefully at least one (or if you are lucky) both of these tactics will work, you will get the response you want and both will feel guilty for you losing your money.
The Once a Year Blog Commenter
The downside of social media is that you sometimes get blocked by people and not enough people get to know the truth, always for the reasons above (i.e. you are telling the truth and they don’t want to listen) but the good news is that there are always blogs for you to post on too!! The added bonus of this is that you can usually do this largely anonymously so you can say whatever you want without any fear of being caught!
- Always be insulting and personal, looking for weakspots and exposing them.
- Always swear A LOT, the more offensive the words, the more impact they will have.
- Never ever listen to excuses when it comes to betting, do not be bamboozled by someone explaining to you that their strike rate on snooker is pretty good and the profits clearly demonstrate this. This is rubbish and a diversionary tactic designed to steer you away from the information you took in good faith. ATTACK them AGAIN.
- Never, ever agree with anything your enemy says. Remember, they put their views up for you to disagree with, nothing more. They are picking a fight and boy have they picked the wrong guy this time.
- Remember, they stole your money, you would not be acting in this way if the bet had won.
- Even if they have put you in the Spam queue, carry on posting, there is no chance that they will see it but it will always make you feel better.
And there we have it, a nice pocket sized guide to punting and using social media for the 17 day snooker fan. I hope this helps people really get the most out of the World Championship.