August 12, 2011

Answers on a Postcard: Marcus Campbell

Filed under: snookerbacker @ 12:00 pm

The Big Man loves his Haggis

Having had serious, frank and honest discussions in the past with the likes of Matthew Stevens, Mark King and Jack Lisowski in my irregular feature, Answers on a Postcard, it is now time to head North of the Border and see what I can find out about Scotland and what better way to do this than to ask Marcus Campbell a few questions?

In this incisive interview, Marcus confirms as true one thing that I’d been told about Scotsmen, he also divulges the secret to a perfect haggis, though those with a sensitive stomach might want to skip that bit. He also tells us why he recently joined Twitter, why he might need some coaching in the memory department and why he’ll be going back to vagabond chic if he makes it to the Crucible again this season.

He exclusively reveals the name of a little song he sings when he sees Stephen Hendry and even tells us how John Higgins spends his spare time away from the baize. These are facts that you won’t read anywhere else but here.

He also gives us the name of a young player that I’m not too familiar with I have to say, that we should be keeping an eye on in the years to come and (if he enters) in the Snookerbacker Classic.

Here goes….

Hello Marcus, thanks for agreeing to take part in ‘Answers on a Postcard’.

No bother SB.

OK, first thing’s first. Now you are a Scotsman, I’ve been up there a couple of times but I don’t know too much about you boys except for what my old dad told me. He said that you all like to sing about how nice Scotland is, that you all like drinking whisky, fighting and eating haggis and that you are all careful with money. So my first question is, will you lend me a tenner?

Am a bit short now SB, had to buy ice cream and nappies so no to the tenner. 

So he was right about the money bit then. Well what about the whisky? What’s your favourite tipple? And the haggis? I’ve only had a vegetarian one and it tasted like shit. Is the meaty one any better? It sounds disgusting to me.  

I like my haggis on a roll with tomato sauce and a pint of milk so you get that slimy feeling on the roof of your mouth, mmmmm! As for whisky only had it once and it gave me the bile the next day.  Not much of an ad for Scotland…

I think I’ll have to take your word on the haggis Marcus…..

Ok, now down to business. You recently joined Twitter, what made you sign up and do you think other players should too?

As for Twitter my wife’s a nosey bitch and she says they should all be on it so she can get a look.  I do think it’s a good thing for people to be able to see the players personalities a bit more and Twitter seems good for that.

Last season you won one of the PTC’s and I have a theory that some of you more experienced boys who have been around for donkey’s years are starting to really get going now there are more tournaments, do you agree and why do you think that is?

Well SB, I think having more tournaments is giving the lower ranked players more chances to show their ability.

Marcus, we have never met. Though I did think I spotted you once in the park but that was just one of the locals, but everyone I have asked about you says you’re either ‘lovely’ or ‘really nice’. Disappointingly, I can’t find anyone to say a bad word about you. So I want to know if that’s true?

I get on with most players and am quite open minded and it seems to work for me.

Now then Bernard, as I get a bit older I tend to forget things sometimes. I read last week I think it was that you forgot to take your cue home with you from Sheffield. What happened there then? It’s like forgetting your arm isn’t it? Except not as messy obviously.

It’s not the first time I’ve forgotten my cue, last year I left for the Crucible and 20 miles down the road my wife phoned to tell me it was sitting in the kitchen.

I’m holding a leg of my tournament The Snookerbacker Classic in Glasgow in November to give amateurs and juniors a chance to make it to the big time with a bit of financial help. I know you play at the Glasgow venue, The Lucky Break Club sometimes so who are the names I should look out for?

Look out for Joseph Maclaren SB, he’s a nice boy.

Right, he’s a name I haven’t heard, you’d better tell him to enter as there’s only a few spaces left. Anyway Marcus when I spoke to the Lucky Break people there is this guy that answers the phone who’s a bit nuts, I think he’s John Rea’s caddy – do you know him?

Yes SB, that must have been Snoodge on the phone, he’s a character.

That’s him yes, mad as a box of frogs….in a good way of course.

Anyway, I feel we are getting along so Mrs Snookerbacker has asked me to tell you that she is very proud of you. She thinks that since you won the Scruffiest Player Willie in 2010 you have really smartened up. I have to ask you, did the Willie inspire you?

Tell Mrs SB I got all new stuff for the Crucible this year and was looking great, got beat 10-1 so am back to the park bench waistcoat and the squeaky shoes sorry!

Oh dear, she will be disappointed. Anyway Marcus, now it’s time for the regular feature ‘True’ or ‘False’ where I list some facts that people have told me and you tell me if they are true or false so, here goes:

John Higgins spends his days away from the baize dressed in a kilt playing the bagpipes and startling goats in the Highlands.


Everytime you see Stephen Hendry you sing a self-penned song called ‘9-0’ to him.

Very True

The Magnum Muzzy

Graeme Dott is a spy for the KGB.

False, it’s the FBI.

It is against the law and punishable by death to refuse a drink from a Scotsman.


You are planning to shave off your beard for your next televised appearance and sport a full bodied moustache like that bloke off Magnum in the 80’s.

False I think that would be taking Movember too far…..

Thanks for answering my questions Marcus and good luck for the rest of the season. You can follow Marcus on Twitter @Marcus_Campbell  

After answering my questions Marcus got up and walked into the broom cupboard as he’d forgotten from which door he had entered the room. I also had to chase after him with his cue, I just about caught up with him in the car park while he was trying to remember where he’d parked and which car was his.

I do worry about him.

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