The Snookerbacker Blog

It Could Be You - I have sought specialist advice on the outcome of this from the only one that really knows.

So it is now time for us to see who will qualify from this elite bunch and join the razzmatazz of the Premier League.

Joe Perry and Judd Trump have previously won the grandly and rather pompously named ‘The Winners League’.  So where’s ‘The Losers League’ then? Joe and Steve are still there ready to give it a go for a fiver a frame, loser pays for the meat pies. Damn, there’s another idea for the Pantomime arch-villain Hearn, I must stop giving these away so easily, I’m partly responsible for this revamp.

Nowadays, nothing is certain apart from Ronnie’s participation in the Premier League and his subsequent token entry into this event (just making a point of beating Selby and getting hammered by everyone else) and the self-deluded Bazza’s assertion that it is snooker’s ‘marquee event’.

But the only other certainty is that the boys will be trying to win for the next two days as this is a big earner for them these days, one or two of them perhaps more than the others.

The lads also all have a date in China from Monday and with the British Airways strike ongoing you can expect hastily packed suitcases by the final four, resulting in ill-fitting and mismatched outfits once they take to the baize in Beijing, hope Denise is on hand for John to help with the packing. However, word has it that they are flying BazzAir, a new airline that has stepped in at the last minute to ferry the players to their ultimate destination. It’s a long way to China and he knows some amazing methods for sending you to sleep while under the influence. Derren Brown has nothing on our Baz.

Anyway, I digress. I’ll be sad to see the end of the sedate pace and feel of the Championship League for another year, it’s at odds with the enlarged pool tournament it gains qualification to. As you might have gathered, I’m not a fan of the Premier League and Mr Hearn would have to talk to me solidly for several days to convince me to plug it on here, or fly me around the world on BazzAir or bribe me with loads of dosh and promises. It’s rubbish. As was Noel’s House Party by the way, I never liked that either.

This is as ever, a tough event to call as any of them are capable of beating any of the others, but I’ve given very tentative predictions of how it will all finish. But it really is crystal ball stuff is this.

So let’s look at the runners and riders:

Group 1 Winner: Stephen Maguire

Nickname: ‘On Fire’

Alternative Nickname: ‘The Bloke that beat Burnett who wants to see Ronnie covered in slime”

Odds: 5/1

Chances: Top 4. Possible overall winner as it may be the only way he’ll get in the PL.

Group 2 Winner: John Higgins

Nickname: The Wizard of Wishaw

Alternative Nickname: Hide the Marks and Spencer Sandwiches it’s…..

Odds: 3/1

Chances: Top 4. Will be invited to PL anyway, would not back him at the odds in such an unpredictable event.

Group 3 Winner: Judd Trump

Nickname: Haircut 100

Alternative Nickname: Juddly Trumpton from Toytown.

Odds: 7/1

Chances: Likes this format, if he’s on his game he’s in with a shout. Semi-Finalist.

Group 4 Winner: Marco Fu

Nickname: Marco Fu

Alternative Nickname: Marco Fu

Odds: 10/1

Chances: Surprise Top 4, losing semi finalist.

Group 5 Winner: Neil Robertson

Nickname: The Thunder from Down Under

Alternative Nickname: Curly Wurly Shirley Temple from under the Hair Dryer.

Odds: 5/1

Chances: Like Higgins, should expect an automatic invite anyway. Has bigger fish to fry than this in the coming weeks.

Group 6 Winner: Mark Allen

Nickname: The Pistol aka Hawkeye

Alternative Nickname: The Ketchup Kid and Nickname Thief

Odds: 5/1

Chances: Possible winner but regardless of this he’ll be invited anyway. The cheeky little imp.

Final Group Winner: Jamie Cope

Nickname: The Stoke Potter aka The Other Nickname Thief.

Alternative Nickname: I wouldn’t like to say but the best looking player got through last year too.

Odds: 7/1

Chances: He’s the new Judd and Bazza likes the girl bait. Only chance to justify a place in the PL next year bar a ranking event win. Possible Winner.

The two I’ll take against the field then are Maguire at 5/1 with SkyBet and Cope at 7/1 with Sportingbet. Good Luck to anyone playing in this particular lottery.

Nobody likes wearing these

Yesterday saw mixed fortunes for the players competing in the final qualifying group.

My pick Peter Ebdon started well winning three out of three whilst poor old Joe Swail, my tip to finish bottom of the pile, only managed to win one frame.

But the race for the Dunces Hat will be a close one, as Steve Davis also performed badly also winning just 1 frame, so the two cuemen decided to club their £200 days wages together so that they could afford to stay overnight at Crondon Park in a twin room (two single beds before you ask), with a complimentary continental breakfast served in the Stuart Bingham Breakfast Room from 8am until 10am (Fried bread extra).

Davis knows how to rattle his opponent.

Joe’s snoring apparently kept the agitated Nugget awake all night though he had bored him to death with his ‘interesting’ back catalogue of snooker and obscure world music stories to render him more or less comatosed in minutes so was partly responsible for the racket.

However, this morning Joe got extremely vexed at the six-times World Champion’s refusal to replace the toothpaste cap onto the tube, a pet hate of the normally affable Irishman.

All this makes for a real grudge match at 2pm which will surely decide who goes home in shame, and quite possibly covered in slime as Barry Hearn is making his way there for the winners group. He wouldn’t do that to his mate Steve. Would he?

I’ll update the scores periodically during the day.

Results so far:

Peter Ebdon 3-1 Joe Swail
Mark Williams 3-0 Jamie Cope
Ding Junhui 3-0 Steve Davis
Peter Ebdon 3-1 Michael Holt
Joe Swail 0 - 3 Mark Williams
Jamie Cope 0 - 3 Ding Junhui
Steve Davis 1 - 3 Michael Holt
Peter Ebdon 3 - 2 Mark Williams
Joe Swail 0 - 3 Jamie Cope
Ding Junhui 1 - 3 Michael Holt
Mark Williams 3 – 0 Michael Holt
Steve Davis 0 - 3 Jamie Cope

Today’s Matches

Peter Ebdon 3 - 2 Steve Davis (Ebdon through to the semi finals with 4 wins out of 4)

Joe Swail 1 - 3 Ding Junhui

Mark Williams 3-0 Steve Davis (The race for bottom hots up as Williams books his semi-final place)

Jamie Cope 3-2 Michael Holt (I think this more or less assures Cope and possibly Ding of their semi final places but I may be wrong)

Joe Swail 3-0 Michael Holt (Joe wins his one and only match which means Cope and Ding join Williams and Ebdon in the semi finals, by my reckoning the Nugget will have to beat Joe 3-0 to relegate him to last place)

Peter Ebdon 3-1 Ding Junhui (Despite this loss Ding has done enough to make the semi-finals as Ebdon makes it 5 out of 5 wins and tops the group)

Mark Williams 3-2 Ding Junhui

Steve Davis 3-1 Joe Swail (Steve wins the battle of the room-mates but still finishes bottom by virtue of winning one less frame than Joe overall, oh well)

Jamie Cope 3-1 Peter Ebdon

Semi-Finals:

Ding 3-0 Williams (Ding looks like he’s in no hurry to get back to China with an easy win over MJW)

Cope 3-2 Ebdon (neither were in a hurry here)

Final:

Cope 3-1 Ding (Ding flies back to China for the promo work for next week safe in the knowledge he’ll be in the Premier League anyway)

Barry's New Vice-Chairman after hearing of his appointment. He has some big ideas.

Barry Hearn seems to have really won round some of the Scottish players recently. First John Higgins and the quickfire finals and now Stephen Maguire and wait for it, players being gunged if they lose a match. Read on, I kid you not. 

The main thrust of the interview with Mags in Scotland on Sunday yesterday was meant to be about the China Open, which starts a week today. But instead we learnt that Mags just sits in the hotel drinking and gambling when he is there rather than explore the historical and cultural delights of the mysterious republic.

The world number two gave an insight into the life of a typical snooker player when over there.

“Every year I say the same thing. ‘I’m gonna do the Wall’. But you get there and you’re knackered from the flight. You play and you crash. You might have a drink in the hotel with the boys. A game of cards, maybe. I’m gonna take Sharon with me one time so she can see what it’s like (bet she’s looking forward to that). I think she thinks I’m having a great old time to myself, but I’m telling you, it ain’t rock ‘n’ roll”.

Mags and the Gang would rather be playing poker

It’s nice to see that the players are embracing the culture and diversity of such an interesting country and putting their celebrity to good use. It’s strange that, as I’d imagined Mags and perhaps a few of the others using their influence by tabling their protests on the infringement of human rights record in China. But on second thoughts, why bother with that when you’ve got a poker table in the hotel bar?   

He does then for a fleeting moment start to talk about the snooker though, as he remembers that is actually what he is there to do.

“You get big crowds and they’re very loud. They’re on the phone, fidgeting about and all that carry on. The ref will try his hardest to keep them quiet but basically they don’t listen. They cannae listen, they’re too busy talking on the phone”.

There was one last year, I was playing Ronnie in the semis. Ronnie’s a megastar over there. It was five-each. I played a bad safety and I left the white down here and I’m thinking ‘Ronnie’s gonna make at least 40 here and win the match’. And they all started clapping. Last thing you need. Clappin’ and all that. They didn’t mean any harm. They just love Ronnie. You can’t take it personal over there, you just have to roll with it”.

He then moves on to talk about his support for Bazza and gives some more insight into the mind of the wacky new Chairman of the Baize. 

“I’m on board with Barry, no question. Listen, the way things were going I was demented. We’ve got six tournaments. Six! And it’s not as if you’re playing donkeys the first couple of rounds in these things”, said the master of the jammy draw. 

“So we’ve got fewer chances to make our money and more and more boys vying for it. It’s serious pressure” I sympathise with him here, the temptation to make some readies in other ways must be tempting…..

This may become a common scene on the main tour.

Then comes the big hitter in this up-to-now rather tame story. One of Hearn’s more madcap ideas is for a one-frame speed event, where each loser exits the arena via a walk of shame to a curtain where the Grim Reaper awaits. “I only heard what you heard. If you lose you have to walk off and you get gunged or something like that. Listen, that’s the kind of thing that’ll get a crowd in. You wanna see Ronnie getting gunged. Basically, that would make a crowd’s day. I’m all for that. I’m up for most things”. Yes, you did read that right, read it again, I’m not making it up. Joe Davis was heard turning in his grave. 

“Barry came and talked to us in January. I could have listened to him for hours. In fairness, the only thing you could do was listen to him, because you couldn’t get a word in. See the previous regime? Never met them before in my life. Not one of them. Right away, when Barry becomes chairman, he sits down with the boys and that’s an improvement straight off. I like that. I don’t know if he can turn things around but I know he’ll give it a really good go. There’s talk already of things happening. I’m along for the ride.”

We await further developments and Noel Edmonds and Timmy Mallett are on speeddial.

A cracking spread awaits the winners on Wednesday

Monday sees the return of the Championship League which now moves into it’s final phase.

Monday and Tuesday sees the final qualifying group consisting of returners Peter Ebdon, Mark Williams, Jamie Cope and the Outlaw Joe Swail, who are joined by Steve Davis, Ding Junhui and Michael ‘Hitman’ Holt.

It’s never a good idea to get too heavily involved in this from a betting point of view as any of them could beat any of the others.

But for anyone having a bet, purely on the evidence so far you’d have to say that Ebdon has a chance (5/1 Sportingbet), he seems, surprisingly to have taken rather well to this format as has Jamie Cope (5/1 Blue Square).

I have a half baked theory that the tables here favour players that hit the ball more firmly. Ebdon being a very hard solid hitter of the ball as are most of the league winners so far. I think the ‘strokers’ seem to struggle more, but like I say, it is half baked. 

I’d also be slightly tempted by the 3/1 on Joe Swail to finish bottom of the group at Sportingbet, his confidence must be at an all time low since being thrashed by Ken Doherty and though the Nugget is favourite for the wooden spoon he didn’t play that badly here last year and may just win a few matches. 

Joe - in a mood

The winner of this group will qualify for the final winners group which so far consists of John Higgins, Stephen Maguire, Neil Robertson, Judd Trump, Mark Allen and Marco Fu.

The old tea lady who randomly appears at this event with her feather duster has been saving up her pension to ensure that the winners are well fed on Wednesday. Unlike my theories the buffet will definitely not be half-baked and she is saving the best stuff for Robbo as he is her favourite and she wants him to win, so he can be assured of all the pink wafers and french fancies he wants while she plays with his hair.

The order of play for tomorrow and Tuesday is detailed below. 

Monday 22nd March

11.00am

Peter Ebdon v Joe Swail 

Mark Williams v Jamie Cope

Ding Junhui v Steve Davis

Michael Holt v Peter Ebdon

Not before 14.00

Joe Swail v Mark Williams

Jamie Cope v Ding Junhui

Steve Davis v Michael Holt

Peter Ebdon v Mark Williams

Not before 18.00 

Joe Swail v Jamie Cope                           

Ding Junhui v Michael Holt

Mark Williams v Michael Holt

Steve Davis v Jamie Cope

Tuesday 23rd March

Peter Ebdon v Steve Davis

Joe Swail v Ding Junhui

Jamie Cope v Michael Holt 

Mark Williams v Steve Davis

Not before 14.00

Joe Swail v Michael Holt 

Peter Ebdon v Ding Junhui

Mark Williams v Ding Junhui 

Joe Swail v Steve Davis

Peter Ebdon v Jamie Cope

Not before 18.30

Semi-Final 1 

1st place v 4th place

Semi-Final 2

2nd Place v 3rd Place

Final

Winner of Semi-Final 1 v Winner of Semi-Final 2

Addiction is a Disease

World Champion John Higgins has been blabbing away again to anyone who’ll listen and giving his thoughts on his career, his rivals, his heroes and his Marks and Spencers sandwich ‘habit’.

In this cutting edge, no holds barred interview the Champ has revealed that he thinks Neil Robertson is the ‘one to watch’ this year in Sheffield.

“I think he has improved so much as a player in the last year or two and he’s is definitely going to be one of the favourites for it this year” said John Boy.

As for Robbo’s hairstyle, the greying, balding World Champ added “It’s a bad mullet, but he’s Australian so you can forgive him for that.” Well for a start that’s a bit out of order and Aussiephobic too, if you can’t say anything nice about him don’t say anything at all is what I say. Poor Robbo, he tries his best with his barnet, rumour has it that after this particular comment he’s going to ‘do a Mark Williams’ and shave it all off. Poor form there from Johnny, the big bully. 

He also revealed that he doesn’t know anything about computers, which is good because now I can say whatever I want about him when he lets me down on a bet, safe in the knowledge that he’ll never read it.

In other shock news he lists Steve Davis, Stephen Hendry and Ronnie O’Sullivan as the best players ever. He also reveals the front-page revelation that he is addicted to M&S sandwiches, I feel sorry for anyone that suffers from addiction problems, I’m addicted to writing daft articles in between snooker events, it’s not a nice place to be. He also reveals that he’d like Marcus Campbell or Stephen Maguire to win at Sheffield if he doesn’t – so that’s a reassurance to anyone that has backed Higgins that he’s going to win it, as those two haven’t got a chance.

He lists the Crucible as his fave venue which considering he said he ‘hated it’ after playing there for the first time just goes to show what a barefaced liar our beloved King of the Baize can be.

The aftermath of a Main Tour get together can get a bit messy

The real shock is who he chooses as the nicest player on the circuit, none other than Graeme Dott, but it turns out he only picks him because the rest of the players on the circuit are all bums and drunks, always pissed and spouting their mouths off, but not our Dotty, he’s always sober and a nice chap.

Higgins, also revealed that Paul McStay (who?) was his sporting hero growing up and admitted that he would rather see Celtic winning the Champions League than get his hands on another world snooker title. Another sublimal self-tip by the canny Scotsman, as again the likelihood of the former happening is up there with a Gary Glitter comeback gig. 

Our Johnny was in Glasgow this week to launch the second Glasgow Q Club and once again voiced his support for new chairman of the World Professional Billiards and Snooker Association Barry ‘Bazza’ Hearn.

Higgins believes a shorter, one-day final at The Crucible would be welcomed change to the current two-day. Oh John, have you been at the sandwiches again?

“To have a final lasting two days, I think maybe it could change in the coming years and I think Barry Hearn might say we’re going to make it shorter and sharper where now people can tune in and find out the winner there and then,” said the indoctrinated Higgins, a tanned hand with a Rolex on the wrist and a nice new fifty pound note coming into shot just as he was saying it.

Asked whether he would favour the move, the Lanarkshire player made no doubt about where he stands.

“I would. I would have it in one day because at the end of the day we are at the mercy of the paying public so it’s one of these things that maybe we should be looking at.” (hand passes John a diamond necklace for the missus)

Well I’m part of the paying public and I’m quite happy with the two day final thank you very much.

The whole interview is here:

http://video.stv.tv/?bcpid=37654293001&bctid=72861145001

P.S. Can anyone not with Sky Broadband please post and confirm that you can see the images in this post. Sky are beginning to really annoy me.

"I know, when that pink went in - your face - ya shat yer sen big man, I could smell it from ma seat"

Stephen Maguire has said that he is looking forward to being cleared of any match-fixing allegations.

Well I’m looking forward to retiring early to Tahiti with a million quid in my back pocket and dancing girls all around me, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.

The world snooker number two (and bizarrely yours truly), were quizzed by police last year following irregular betting patterns involving a match with, oh what’s his name again, I’ll have to look it up hang on…………………. got it, Jamie Burnett in late 2008.

“As far as I know, the investigation is still ongoing,” said Magsy.

“I don’t know if I will get a call to say they’re no longer investigating, but that’s what I’m expecting.” he said with his fingers tightly crossed whilst dodging walking under a ladder and having his path crossed by a black cat while stepping in a dog turd.

Maguire says it has not distracted him in his quest for titles (good luck with that one) or his thirst for easy draws but admits that the affair involving his buddy, practice partner and fellow Glaswegian has been something of an irritation. 

The Police were recently accused of being heavy handed by Stephen Lee - to be fair I think this was a bit over the top for a few missed pots really.

“It’s not nice to be in the papers for the wrong reasons”, he said flicking through his copy of the Wiltshire Times and smirking when reading a similar story relating to his first round Crucible opponent, Stephen Lee.

“I am lucky in a way that I am thick skinned. When I am on the table, it doesn’t bother me”. It’s just everything else that seems to bother the man Mark King likened to ‘a big baby’.

“It kind of bothered me when I was winning matches in the world championship last year and all people wanted to talk about was the police at my door”.

He then says rather self-importantly “Any time that Stephen Maguire wins a snooker match, it seems to start off a bit of controversy for some reason and I just look forward to that ending and starting to talk about snooker again.” I’m not sure this is quite right, usually when he wins a match recently he’s beaten someone well below him in rankings, the only whispers I ever hear are ‘how does he keep getting these jammy draws?’ and why is he talking about himself in the third person anyway, like boxers and rappers do? Always a bit weird to me that. 

Anyway, Stevie Boy believes he is capable of winning the world title for the first time next month, just like Mark King does. The flying pigs were seen leaving Essex and making their way to Glasgow at a lightning fast pace. 

“I just keep thinking it’s only five boys to beat in the course of two weeks,” he said, which isn’t strictly true in his case as Lee currently counts as two people.

“It’s not exactly miracles that’s needed, although it is very tough.”

While Stevie clearly believes he has nothing to answer for and is happy to discuss the whole affair, his opponent Jamie B, who lost the match 9-3 after fluking a wild shot at the pink and missing an easy black after in a earlier frame walking around the table and inexplicably touching a ball at the other end of the table with his hand when on an easy clearance, was surprisingly unavailable for comment.

The case, at least for now, continues.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_sports/snooker/7785340.stm Click this to remind yourself of what all of the fuss is about (sorry looks like this is only available to UK users).

If only he was this quick around the table.

Steve Davis has been celebrating making it 30 appearances at the Crucible by giving some thoughts on both his own match against Mark King and the main contenders for the title as a whole.

The Nugget is firmly in competitive mode when considering his first obstacle to an unlikely 7th crown, he said ”It’s a strange experience to be playing someone you played so often when he was a kid in practice, but he’s a competitive animal when he’s out there on the table. Beggars can’t be choosers, I’d have played anyone, I don’t care, I’m delighted to be at the Crucible and I’m proud to have got there again”.

It’s funny I used to be a seed looking for qualifiers who I would or wouldn’t like in the first round, and now I’m one of the players that everyone wants to play. But I’m proud playing against Mark. We’re both from Romford snooker clubs. We know a lot of the same people, I know his father and everybody, so it’ll be good. I’m proud of him for being such a good player, a lot of people didn’t think he’d be as good as he is, but I’m proud of myself for still being in the top part of the game.”

The Fred and Bazza Show

His partner in crime Barry Hearn got an early-morning call in Singapore from Steve after he qualified, and he admits that while he considers himself part-time now, nothing gets his old fighting spirit going more than the Crucible.

“I was excited!” he shrieked. “I don’t get as excited about snooker as I used to, or as motivated as I used to, on a weekly basis I’m not thinking like a snooker player anymore, but come the UK and the Crucible all of a sudden it gets the juices flowing again and I find myself getting up for it again and that competitive spirit comes flooding back”. Sounds like he’s been stealing Barry’s secret stash of Viagra.

“If I’d have lost that qualifying match I wouldn’t have a match until September, that would have been the end of my season so that would have been a depressing thought. But I’ve got the World Championship to look forward to. I’ve got most of April with nothing to do so I’ll be practising away with my father and really getting into it.” Poor old Bill, patience of a saint that man.

Davis has studied the Crucible draw and believes that the defending champion John Higgins could have a great chance of a fourth title.

He also rates Mark Selby as “a big force” but urges caution on the Jester from Leicester and adds ”But he’s in a tough quarter with Ronnie O’Sullivan, Mark Williams and Stephen Hendry, that’s a minefield, and he’s got Ken Doherty first up. So none of them will relish that. It’s like being held out of a train, you’ve got to start your legs running before you actually hit the ground, and that’s what it’s like in that half”. Having never been brave or stupid enough to have been held out of a train I can’t possibly comment, I had no idea the Nugget had this daredevil streak in him, that Viagra must be good stuff.

Daredevil Davis's Latest Stunt

Steve is notoriusly careful with his cash but was seen taking 50p out of his moth-riddled wallet when adding ”Hendry at 40-1 is an amazing price, as he has definitely still got a big trophy in him (sounds painful). Mark Williams looks back to his best at 20-1, but they are both in that quarter-final side again, so John Higgins has got a great chance as arguably he’s in the best half of the draw”. He then climbed down from the fence he was sitting on, come on Steve, of course John is in the easier half. You doughnut.

“I don’t see any outsiders winning it, although you never know who’ll come in and make some waves”.

But what about the chances of a miraculous return to the winners enclosure for the veteran himself?  ”I suppose a thing about gambling is to have a sense of humour, and if you don’t mind wasting a pound then 400-1 are good odds.” Well I do mind actually, don’t be making promises you can’t keep, I’m beginning to get quite annoyed at you now.

In other news John Higgins has been trimmed a point into 9-2 by Coral bookmakers who were just one of the firms that reacted to the draw in a typically hysterical way.

What a load of balls. The bookies have reacted hysterically to the draw.

The defending champion takes on Barry Hawkins in the first round, and then faces a possible clash with Davis or King in Round 2.

Corals Head of Propaganda Gary Burton is not a man I’d rush to to find out his opinion on the tournament as he states “With a straight forward passage through to the semi-final looking a sure thing, it’s definitely a draw that suits the defending champion, but that’s on paper of course, things don’t always go to plan on the table, but he had to be shortened up in the betting,” he then disappeared off to write a speech for David Cameron, he has clearly never heard of Neil Robertson, who John will probably have to beat to get to his ‘sure thing’ semi-final. Another doughnut.

Higgins is still available at 5/1 for anyone thinking of backing him, I took 13/2 a few weeks back on him. I’m not saying he’ll win it but at that price he was worth a punt.

I wouldn’t back him at the current price.

These give the old boys a bit of a lift

Barry Hearn has been a busy boy these past few weeks and he has now revealed more of his plans for turning the sport around and bringing back snooker’s glory days. Here he talks excitedly about everything from shorter formats, global markets, sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll to ditching waistcoats and confining the Grand Prix to the snooker scrapheap alongside the Malta Cup and Pot Black.

“It’s a big job,” he said “It’s exciting, as I get a bit older I look for things that give me an extra spur” (I wonder if he’s tried Viagra?).

Everything with me is business, but my business is my pleasure so it’s difficult to disassociate the two. I’m lucky because I tend to just put things on TV that are my hobbies and people throw money at me, so it’s a very good job to have! It’s a crucial stage we’re at in snooker’s revitalisation, and the World Championships is the beginning of where we want to go on from, it’s just the start of the story”.

“It’s an enthralling two-week soap opera, there’s some new characters coming up that will astound you (Fergal O’Brien, Gerard Greene, Stuart Pettman to name but three) and some old favourites that in your heart you will want to win, it’s got all the ingredients of captivating the nation for a couple of weeks like it has been doing for years.”

Worryingly he went on ”There will be changes at the Crucible this year, but it will not be the razzamatazz of the darts, and more will be done off the table to improve the overall experience”.

He Likes a Laugh

“We’re going to do a lot more interaction between the players and the crowds, but more probably off the table. You’ve got a product like the World Championships that doesn’t need changing but we need to improve the experience of the people who pay to buy a ticket”. How about you pay a bit extra and you’re allowed to tap Mark King’s head repeatedly whilst shouting ‘Slaphead’?

“But it’s not going to be sex, drugs and rock and roll or like darts with entrances and that (I detect a slight U-Turn there), as this is our blue riband event and we don’t want to change it (hang on, he said before he was going to change it). The changes will come elsewhere (oh come on Baz make your mind up), we’ll have a whole new calendar by the time the World Championships start with a lot more events, a lot more prize money, and we’re going to shock the world”. They’d better not start playing in summer as I want a couple of months off.

Baz wants snooker to go a bit more rock 'n' roll

“We’re talking to Sky at the moment about a really crazy, rock and roll, event that will be part of the new way of going forward. (Oh Lord help us) We’ll keep the World Championships and UK the same, but the Grand Prix will change and be renamed the World Open, but the other new events have got to have a shorter format and have to appeal to a younger audience.

“We need a bit more action on the table and a lot more demand for people to come and watch live sport, I want to get these arenas full up, we know how to do it, we’ve shown we can do it and we’re going to do it with snooker. The stuffy waistcoats and long, drawn out matches will be ditched in all but the top two events, with the aim to make each trip to the snooker a different experience. We’ll be ditching the waistcoats for some events, but the main thing is I want each event to look different so there’ll be a lot of different formats and different looks,” said Baz.

This is the bit that concerns me: “The Premier League on Sky is the big marquee event throughout the world (it is also in my humble opinion the worst snooker event of them all bar none) - and there you can see the difference with the World Championship being the best of 19 frames and upwards while the Premier League is a great tournament around the world and its one night crash, bang, wallop, all over experience (he has taken Viagra then),  and it has a whole new younger (and largely less intelligent) audience.”

The noble waistcoat is likely to become a thing of the past

Snooker is already big in the Far East, and along with expanding the number of tournaments out there, Hearn also believes there is an untapped love of snooker in Europe. “I’ve just come back from Singapore, there’s a couple of tournaments out there already in China and I’m sure there’ll be a couple more, such is the popularity of the sport out there,” he added. “We’re going to invest in countries in Europe, and Eastern Europe, there’ll be a new tournament in Germany and possibly more as the game is growing out there. It’s such an exciting time in snooker and with all the players pulling in the same direction we can bring back the glory days.”

Ambitious words from Barry who is clearly planning something of a revolution. If it is a full scale rebellion he is plotting he could do worse than enlist the help of the guy in the clip below, he’s not far from him after all, just a couple of tube stops.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMKsR_wUSfA

Some of the players love a good natter

Some of the players have been giving their reaction to the draw that took place last week and giving their thoughts on their chances.

Crafty Ken Doherty qualified with ease and doesn’t appear too worried about his first round draw against the Jester, Mark Selby.

“It’s a really tough draw – pretty much like every other draw I could have had” Ken said.

“Mark is one of the most difficult guys I could have come up against but I am pretty sure he will be thinking the same about me. I beat him 5-3 at Grand Prix in Glasgow so I am confident going into the match”.

“I am delighted to have qualified and to have made it in a bit of style. Without trying to blow my own trumpet I reckon there were a fair few players hoping not to draw me in the first round. I will give it 110% and hopefully that will be enough”he continued modestly.

“I think the fact I have won the world title and been to a few finals means there is less pressure on me. I don’t have that monkey on my back”. Alright that’s enough Bighead.

His opponent simply says ”Ken beat me in the first round of the Grand Prix earlier in the season, and he has been very much a man in form. But I will be out for revenge and determined to get my Crucible challenge off to a flying start”. He then disappeared off in his Jester’s outfit to go and do some side-splitting street theatre for his adoring Leicester public, he’s such a hoot. 

Ryan's new arrival looks just like her Dad. He's even bought her a cue made out of bamboo.

Ryan Day meanwhile is celebrating the birth of his second panda, I mean, child. His wife Lynsey gave birth to the couple’s second daughter almost three weeks ago and he seems to have been boosted by the new arrival.

“After the Welsh Open I took a few weeks off to be with my wife. She had a baby girl towards the end of the month and I am feeling really good about things,” said the table dusting Welshman.

“I wasn’t feeling great about the way I was playing after the Shanghai Masters at the start of the season but since then I have picked up and I have been pretty pleased with my start to 2010”.

Day will face Mark Davis in the first round at the Crucible. Having faced our Mavis on a number of occasions, he reckons that both players will know what to expect.

“I went along to Wembley to watch the draw and beforehand I had butterflies in my stomach,” confessed Day, but they were quickly sorted by chewing on a bunch of bamboo shoots that Ding bought him for Christmas from China.

“It is going to be a really tough match and there is always extra pressure in the first round. I have played Mark lots of times and I reckon we both know what to expect – I can’t wait to get to The Crucible and hopefully produce some good performances.”

“It is a bit of a cliché but I have to just take it one match at a time. If I can get the win in my first match then you begin to feel part of the tournament and settle down a bit”. Yes, it is a bit of a cliche, in fact I’d say it is the King of the Sporting Cliches.  

“With the number of tournaments just now everyone is under the same amount of pressure, one of the things I have been working on is blocking out the crowd and other distractions. I reckon this will be a big help to me – especially at The Crucible”. Ryan then disappeared off to change a shitty nappy with his huge spade like hands.

Steve Davis simply said of his draw against Mark King “Of all the people in all the world I had to pick Mark from Casablanca near Romford” (how witty) while stressing that he will be practising for it for a change. His opponent however was feeling a bit more chatty and said; “Given the standard of the players in the draw, I knew I was in for a tough match if you are not 100% or fully focused on the match then you will struggle – it doesn’t matter though I am confident in my ability. Whether I am playing Steve Davis or Liang Wenbo I go into the match believing I can win” (as do 99% of his opponents, though they use the words ‘knowing’ and ’will’ rather than ‘believing’ and ’can’).

Mark King believes he can bag the big one this year.

“I did some commentary last year on Steve’s match with Michael Judge. Steve played very well which shows he still can compete at the highest level and with it being his 30th appearance at The Crucible it is going to be pretty special. He has achieved it all in the game and I am really looking forward to the match,” Old Baldy Bonce added.

This season King has failed to make it beyond the last 16 in any of the four ranking events. While he believes he is performing consistently, the world No.16 admits he is not satisfied with making only brief appearances at major events. He’s a great dancer though.

He went on: “This season I have only being doing consistently ok, I don’t want to be going to tournaments and only winning one match – I am not getting any younger and I want to start cracking on. It’s my aim to start making the later stages and maybe even going all the way and winning a tournament”. At this point in the conversation some pigs were seen flying past the window, but Mark pretended he hadn’t seen them and continued:

“There are so many good players and there are no easy draws. The guys out with the top 16 are capable of beating the top players on their day – so it is very difficult”. He then disappeared into the distance punching the air shouting ‘Get in there my son’ when he realised who he’d actually drawn.

Liang and his Interpretor

Meanwhile Ronnie’s first round opponent, Liang Wenbo has been giving his thoughts on his first round tie through his interpretor, that master of the English tongue and renowned funnyman Ding Junhui, he said: “I am delighted that I have almost ensured my place in the top 16 next season, I can now enjoy my match against Ronnie – there is no real pressure on me”.

“For me playing against everyone is the same, as in the world championship every player is desperate to play to their best – there are no easy draws”. He says that but I think he’s telling porkie pukka pies there as I bet he wishes he’d drawn King or Perry. 

“The most important thing is I can play at The Crucible again – this is my third successive year to play at Crucible, I am really happy that I have managed to achieve this.” Well, I think that’s what he said anyway.

Further reactions to the draw will follow if anyone wishes to say anything else.

There is no room for bums anymore according to Baz

World Snooker Chairman and ‘real man’ Barry Hearn has been spouting his mouth off again to anyone who’ll listen, this time he’s aiming his venom firmly in the direction of ‘journeymen pro’s', who he doesn’t appear to have an awful lot of time for.

The Essex Exocet says annual qualifying for a tour card would help prevent a “circuit for mediocrity”. With a seventh ranking tournament due in Berlin next year, the new chairman wants a pro tour of up to 20 events and has warned players not to be “lazy”.

Our Bazza doesn’t suffer fools or good-for-nothings and said “We need a qualifying school like golf. One chance a year. You bring a cue and win your card, it’s a bit cruel but if you can’t aim to be in the top 16 then get another job. There is no room for journeymen.” Barry Pinches was seen climbing into an ice cream van in a nearby car park, whilst Alan McManus and Jamie Burnett were seen wandering around a local park continually saying ‘would you like fries with that?’ to each other, as if preparing for a career change.  

Barry continued his rant while lighting a big cigar from his comfy sofa housed within the decadent surroundings of his palatial mansion by saying “This is a hard world. Don’t expect your bottom wiped. Our current ranking system just does not work. We’re not doing this because it’s fun. Are we going to create a circuit for mediocrity? No”. He’s obviously been listening to his old Gary Glitter records as he continued ”You have to want to be in our gang and your proudest possession will be a tour card.”

Additional events on the snooker calendar are likely to be revealed ahead of the World Championship with Berlin already earmarked for a ranking tournament next February. Bazza is expecting players to accept the increased workload, regardless of prize money, and believes the system used in golf would ensure the highest standards on the snooker circuit. His belief that they will accept this is obviously based on the rational, calm and caring way he projects his views. 

The PGA Tour and the European Tour for golf conduct an annual qualifying tournament, usually a shoot-out over six rounds, with a set number of players gaining their “tour card” for the following season and not needing to qualify for the tour’s events.

Barry's heavies escorting a reluctant Nigel Bond to his new employer

Hearn said that he currently enjoyed “unanimous support” from the players but recognised some of them would be opposed to him having to “drive them to get off their behinds and do some work”. He seems to have something of an obsession with bottoms.

Bazza continued “I like the golf model where there are a lot of amateur events where you can learn the craft of the game. You have to be exceptionally good and not just hanging on by your fingernails. Otherwise, you won’t make any money. My problem is looking after the elite. We will encourage all the players and if they’re good enough I will welcome them on to the circuit.”

Snooker’s main tour currently includes the world’s top 64 players, with the top 16 automatically selected for major tournaments with qualifying events, and some wildcards, deciding who joins them. This clearly does have it’s problems and many have advocated a ‘rolling’ ranking system that is updated after each event, this would ensure that the players on form would be the ones joining the tournaments at the later stages, it’s probably worth a go I reckon.